This Monday morning flat out sucked. It was horrible. The morning rushing for the bus scored me a ticket.....what the heck...I paused, and let the woman and her dog cross in front of me and THEN floored it to catch the disappearing school bus....what the heck is wrong with that? I paused, looked both ways, even waited for the pedestrian to cross the street, and still get the lights and the whole bit....in front of the neighbors and all the kids at the bus stop. I'm a felon. Just go ahead, cuff me and do the pat down. Happy Monday morning to me. Our morning ritual (mine and my son's) was completely ruined by this petty little situation. Poor little guy jumps from the car and makes a run for the bus....while I yell 'I love you, have a great day' in my best 'don't worry I'm ok' voice, as the officer is approaching, and my son, with his great big brown eyes looks back at me...with worry (while I'm thinking 'no one messes with our ritual!')....then you know, the increased heart rate, the hating yourself, fumbling to get the insurance stuff and license....the whole emotional/anxiety thing you go through when you get pulled over.
Oh Judas Priest, I'm a mom just trying to get the angel on the bus. Didn't hit anyone, actually let them cross, oh, but I was creeping through, forgive me.
So you get the idea.
There is something amazing about today though, believe it or not. Something wonderful. As sad as I sometimes get when I am rudely smacked in the face with the fact that my boys are getting older and, oh geez, probably won't need me as much anymore, today I appreciated their maturity and loving nature and actual genuine concern over their felon mother who was experiencing random moments of panic over the mornings events. My 14 year old asked me (after hours of him pondering this), if I'm ok, and they (the police) are just doing their job, but, 'mom, it's ok, you're good and that policeman probably knew that, but had to give you that ticket anyway'. AND THEN, my youngest, gets home from school, comes barging in, arms open running to me, squeezing me tight says....'I can't believe it....I felt so bad all day I didn't get to kiss you goodbye and tell you I love you, I thought about you all day'....oh the pain and love that shot through my heart. My boys are showing their feelings, and their love, when they see and feel their mom dealing with this Monday shake down. They love me, they proved it. 'They're exercising their love' There's not a better feeling than for a mother to feel the unconditional love flooding back to her from her children. As mom's you know that. Sometimes we question whether or not we are raising our kids the 'right' way. Today, I KNOW that my husband and I are raising our boys, OUR right way. When life gets 'tough' our guys 'gel' together and amaze their parents with a deep and unexplainable love...that only we can feel. I felt very close to my two boys today, as I have many other days when they have been called out of their 'daily pre-teen and teenage norm' lives to the front line to support, love and just be there for their family....no matter what. That's what families do....and that's what they've learned and I am so proud of this.
On a husband and wife level....well, you can imagine having to tell your husband, that, oh crap, once AGAIN, (within 2 months by the way) you've gotten a citation....that'd be another $200, and oh yea, what will this do to our great driving records and insurance rates? And by the way, babe, we're redoing the front porch, they come on Friday...oh I didn't tell you that? I saw the tension and frustration rise in that cute little mans face, and rightfully so, I AM SO disappointed in myself, I mean really, flying up the hill to catch the bus. (he REALLY likes to take the bus, it's a whole social thing, and gosh darn it, I'm gonna make that social opp happen!) The anger and disappointment I have with myself....well, I deserve it. "Stop making careless errors"....the voice in my head keeps telling me. I can only imagine the frustration my husband is feeling with me right now as he's heading to the backyard at the end of the day to find the boys and I....I dread the lecture I'm about to receive.....but, instead of the lecture I KNOW he wanted to give me, he grab me, hugged me, looked deep into my eyes and patted me on the booty and said...slow it down Andretti. I'm blessed with 3 of the most wonderful men. Thank you God.
Today....'exercise love'....kiss your husband when he least expects it, (a real kiss) hug your kids...tight, smile at a stranger...and love yourself...today will be a perfect day.